Probert’s Twitter Dictionary For Aspiring Authors

You know what it’s like: you’ve read somewhere that all writers must build their online presence so you join Twitter. You start frantically following people and pretty soon you realise that Twitter is populated by literally squillions of best-selling, award-winning superstar authors.

Fear not my friend. Here’s a quick guide that will help you break through the jargon and get a handle on what people are really saying in their Twitter profiles.

Me included.

Amazon bestselling author
On Amazon but not bestselling

Artist
Paints houses for a living

Aspiring fantasy author
Train driver who fantasises about being a writer

Author
Train driver who uses MS Word’s thesaurus

Author and grandma
Old person who’s never been published

Award winning
Never won an award. May have purchased one online

BA in film with honours
Train driver into Breaking Bad

Bestselling
My friends bought it

Book series
The same idea recycled ad nauseum

Coming out in June
Publishing it myself/announcing my sexuality to the world

Christian author
Train driver who seldom works on Sunday

Conjurer of words
Illiterate

Creator of the xxxx trilogy
Too much time not enough talent

Erotic author
Thinks they can write Fifty Shades/unmarried middle-aged woman

Friend of God
Deluded train driver

I write short stories
Can’t concentrate long enough to write a whole book

Now published book
Couldn’t get an agent or publisher. Did it myself

Passionate about fiction
Can’t write to save my life

Poet
Posh train driver

Published author
Self-published train driver who owns a Kindle

Reviewer
Don’t read mine and I won’t read yours then we can trade five-star reviews

Romantic novel
Lots of innie and outie

Romance writer
Sexually frustrated train driver

Up and coming new author
Apprentice train driver

Visionary
Train driver who has visited SpecSavers

Would-be writer
Honest train driver

Writer
Train driver who plays with MS Word

Writer of compelling fiction
Writer of not at all compelling fiction

Writer of humorous fiction
Writer of really unfunny fiction

Writer of epic fantasy
Writer of boring, badly written fantasy

Writer of strange tales
Writer of crap tales

Writer, mom, wife
Mom and wife

YA Novel
Thinks they can write The Hunger Games

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Probert’s Twitter Dictionary For Aspiring Authors

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s